a joint not for you

i have no more emotions for you. i just realized it wasn't me you liked. oh wow, i feel like a teenager again. i think it's also because i'm getting my period that i'm taking this way overboard. but once in a while a girl's got to cry with raging hormones. i dunno what kind of hormones but they're definitely there! bursting at the seems. like i'm about to spazzingly scream out loud in public. i almost did that today. but i couldn't let people see me weak. i'm not weak. i just know how to deal with the pain better. i'm an actress remember? i know how to wear a mask and play the part. i was feeling so desperate that i sat in the shower and lit me a fat joint and smoked half of it by myself. now my head is throbbing. only after a good 3 hours of numb. numb. painless. emotionless. bliss is ignorance, what truth. i don't want to be selfish, but i thought i could this time. ohhhh well... not my kind of happy-ending, then. i'll just finish my joint in the morning when i wake for my morning massage. yep, that's right outernet, i have massages weekly! my only up-side to being awake. the other reason was to see you, was. thank you and good night internet.